Guide to be an important daddy
September 29, 2008
A Mulligan, in a game, happens when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action; what if life gives a father mulligan?? This is exactly the kind of a situation that ‘re-fathers’, men who have been married, divorced, remarried and have children with their second wives. find themselves in. It breathes a new life into this refather who is desperate to make no mistakes this time around in a bid to play the ‘perfect’ father to his children. It was the time when I was a college-goer. So it was expected that I was having beer though I can’t be much sure. What I certainly do recollect with accuracy is that particular phone-call on that evening from my mother. It was shocking because she was conveying such news that which is usually sent by a college-going son to his mother and not the other way round, i.e, not the mother to his son in college. It is typically commented that at times even the river flows in the opposite direction. She told me, “I’m pregnant” and gave out her breath.
I tried my best to make it a lighter moment. I told her that it was actually my fault for having been frank enough with dad and her with the occurrence of these matters.
It was after nine months that I saw my father carrying my younger brother in his arms with the dexterity of an expert, stared at his eyes with great admiration born out of his outlook, smelled the crown of the head while closed his eyes, burped him, clothed him and even lull him to sleep. For my father, this was the best opportunity to play the role of the best daddy with my baby brother. It was all in a one-shot game that he played, right from pepperoni sticks, applesauce, to giving low rides, he performed it perfectly.
I could never brace myself to ask him if he were a better father before this time. All I knew was that he wasn’t a career fixated guy right from when I was born. He was well-groomed, sensible, tolerant, more devoted, remorseless dad for my brother, rather than for his elder son.
My father went into a dominion with my kid brother that has been described by Martin Carnoy’s book, Father’s of Certain Age, as “re-fathering”. One who has undergone a divorce, has remarried and has kids with his next wife quite often finds himself in a similar situation as before. These kind of men, either by nature or according to plan, stand in an uncommon position to bring about changes for previous mistakes, and wish they had done certain things before instead of now, stay alert of repeating the same mistakes, follow old promises, and make out from their wisdom that how fast the thing gets over. A man, who has undergone a divorce and a re-marriage, gets to realize that destiny has given him the ultimate game in the do-or-die part of his life.
What exactly are the things that a father does with his kids from his second marriage that he wished he could have done with his first kids? What does he become aware of which he didn’t know before? How much different does he turn out to be? I consider it important as a father of three sons to look back after they turn into adults and regret. The veterans could offer us newbie’s a lot of expert advice that could eventually win us laurels, at least not brick bats from our children in future about parenting issues.
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