How you can Empower your Child
April 27, 2009
Children begin life as docile dolls (except when they are hungry), and so, it often comes as an uncomfortable surprise when they turn stubborn and headstrong, post-infancy. From their “terrible twos”, they begin to assert their individuality. This turns the parent-child relationship into a power-struggle.
Managing a child whose favorite word is “NO” seems an uphill task. But it can be a rewarding parenting experience if we deal with this normal and necessary phase of development in the right way.
We must remember that the child is saying “NO”, not to anger us, but to assert himself. It is a part of the individuation-process of growing-up. So, we should never lose our own temper. Saying “NO” respectfully in inappropriate situations is a necessary life-skill.
Parents should be firm with their decisions. They should not give in if the child throws a tantrum. But to enforce a decision, the parent must negotiate, not negate the child’s opinion.
Refusing the child’s demand outright will only make him feel angry and helpless. A powerless child will either become revengeful and rebellious or incapable of decision-making, an important adult skill. Both can be bad in the long-term.
Instead of overpowering, it is better to empower the child. If we give him/her a choice, it will the child to reach a consensus decision. In most cases, the child happily and willingly accepts one of the choices given by the parent. We must give choices that are acceptable – not punishing or autocratic/narrow. This turns a win-lose struggle into a win-win compromise.
Sometimes, sidestepping works better than a confrontation. Rewarding the child often surprises him out of his bad behavior, and focuses on happy co-operation. If we let the child feel useful, it will make him feel powerful and also make him self-reliant in future.
Patience and understanding are the keys in dealing with children at this age.
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