Making up
October 6, 2008
It is very easy to fight with youMaking upr spouse, but it is equally difficult to make up. It far more easier to give vent to your anger. But the fixing-up work after the fight is perhaps the most difficult step in the process as it compels you to work together and understand each others feeling. According to Dr Daniel Wile, this might help your relationship to strengthen up, who happens to be the author of After the Fight. The following three steps given below might turn out to be of help for solving your problem and bring a happy end.
1. Set up a “ready” indicator. According to Dr Wile, do not try to push him into a discussion while both of you’ll are still busy trying to make out each others thoughts. You are still in your fighting spirit and trying to set up a conversation now would be like having a pineapple while you’re suffering from a sore throat. Let time take its own course so that both of you get time to calm down. The green light is turned on the moment both of arrive at point of speaking up and say straight on face “LET’s talk”. Response from both sides will let you know that you’ll can talk now.
2. Get in touch physically. A survey made from the journal Psychosomatic Medicine states that physical contacts enhance the levels of hormone oxytocin in the blood which help in the reduction of stress and helps you feel connected. Even if you are hard against this, do try to give your spouse a hug first. This move may turn out to be the hardest job for you, but forgetting your pride and sitting side by side or getting cosy on the couch throws you out of the fight-mode and places you in the fix-up mode.
3.Do give regard to his opinion as well. Stay away from the habit of repeating statements made during the fight. That will just throw you back in the same place that you were in. According to Dr Wile, the fix-up speech works wonders only if you start it from a different perspective. Regarding his view point is really important but that does not mean that you’ll have to pretend to be perfectly fine with whatever he did and said. You have any memory of high-school physics? A particular law states that every action has an equal and opposite reaction: if you initiate this process, it is likely the same would happen from his side as well.
THE 3-MINUTE CLARIFICATION
Wrap up the whole thing as fast as possible. Cut down your well-versed speech to a short-length as soon as you are ready to settle the matter. How? Sign up a third-party mediator – your kitchen timer. Set it in such a manner that you get exactly three minutes to tell of your experience of this incident. As soon as this stops, reset it so that each of you get to talk of their personal experience. Next time it rings, complete your respective queries in 3 minutes. Set it so you each get three minutes to talk about how you experienced the incident. When the bell rings, reset it so you each have another three minutes to ask questions. A shortened conversation helps you to bulldoze your way straight into the point. The whole thing turns out to be very easy to digest as you know your finishing point is just a few steps away.
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